So it’s finally here. The day I dreaded, within the last decade. The day I turn into, thus earn the tag of being, the infamous, real life, 40 year old virgin. It’s here at last, and there is nothing I can do about it.
AH B-Day CakeJust prior to my 30th Birthday, I rented the movie, The 40 Year Old Virgin (2005), and joked that it’s the story of my life. Little did I know then, that 10 years later, it would end up being a reality.

Leading a sexless life, has been partially my own choice. I never had anyone in my life, and I never felt that desperate, to have sex with just any Tom, Dick or Hariendre walking down the street. It had to be with some one I care about, who’d feel the same way about me. Alas!! My standards being a tad bit high (so I’ve been told by many a friends), and with my pretty decent upbringing, it’s been somewhat difficult for me. I’ve fallen in love quite a few times, but ‘twas always unrequited love. And if anyone’s felt anything for me (apparently some have, so I’ve been told, from friends/acquaintances), they’ve never come forward, at least not directly.

Though I’ve had some really good friendships in my life, both male and female, from around the globe, I’ve been a loner (and total loser – for many a sex obsessed, judgmental, individuals), when it comes to Love, Romance & Sex.

Fallen in Love many a times, but never had a Lover. A total Romantic personality, at heart, but never experienced Romance. And a Sexual desire that still exists, but have never acted upon it. Still, I don’t want to completely lose hope either. As always, I’d like to hope for best, and be ready for the worst. But I never really seem ready for the worst. The pain is unbearable, but I do  have an inner strength to go on. Hope gets lesser as I age, and especially being stuck in this narrow minded country, constantly surrounded by negative energy, for the last (almost) six years, where I never really belonged, it just feels an impossible task, of ever finding anyone. It’s unfortunate that I came back to the country of my miserable roots, though not of my birth (I’ll always have a soft corner for the country of my birth). Roots are meant to stay buried, at least in my case, being a person who likes to branch out, and experience the fresh new challenges in the wide pleasant openness, out there. Yet, these horrible roots; along with it’s greenishly jealous venomous varmints, who are quite happily stuck in their hellishly dark confines of the underbelly underneath; are constantly tiring to drag me down, to be stuck among the roots, and their filthy, hypocritical, conniving mentality, full of a fake sense of patriotism, and false pride. But still, hope is something that keeps me going. Hope that someday, my branches shall stem away, and would venture forth, back into the future, where I belong; leaving my unfortunate roots, under the ocean, where they definitely belong.

I can never love my roots, not anymore. And nothing, and no one, can force me to do so. Not even me. A country that has given me so much of unhappiness, misery, stress and depression. And Shoving this country on to face constantly, only makes me dislike it further. Yet, I have no real desire to hate it. But circumstances, always gets my blood boiling. At the same time, I wish no one any harm. I just wish to lead a life of contentment, hopefully with someone someday.

Out of the last 40 years of my life, I’ve spent majority of my teenage years (12½ to 18½), and then the whole latter half of my 30’s (34¼ till date), in this country. And I’ve had to associate many a local, brain-dead and crude, pests, across the globe. Home is where the heart is, and my heart is wherever I feel welcomed and at home, thus far away from this country of my roots, unnecessary stress and uncalled for misery.

The best thing that happened to my life, is the adoption of a puppy, I named (a.k.a Gingy), back in December 2014. She’s the naughtiest little thing ever. Yet, full of pure innocence and torrent of non-judgemental love.

Today is my 40th Birthday.
Born on the 22nd of June, 1975

Pouring my heart out
Nuwan Sen

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