Your Roots Can Enslave You by Ion Vincent Danu
Going through a great deal depression today, more than usual. I try my best to survive in this god awful hell hole. Have been for the last six years. Blogging helps, yet even trying to get a blog post done, has been an impossibility lately. I generally tend to have a lot of patience. But today it all just blew apart. I just couldn’t take it anymore. I feel sick inside. Yet, am a survivor. Beats me why? And what for? I tried to do all kinds of stuff to try and distract me, but nothing seems to work today. So ultimately am here blogging; an unexpected, unplanned, blogpost. What better way to try and let go of this unhappiness I feel, by writing a post. Then again, posting this painting; titled, Your Roots Can Enslave You, by (Romanian born) Canadian artist, Ion Vincent Danu; is an even better way to portray, through art, what I’m going through. It sums up how I feel at this very moment, stuck in a narrow minded society, which constantly tries to drag me down. Someday I shall escape all this. At least that false hope is what keeps me going.
Pouring my heart out.
Nuwan Sen
No Nonsense with Nuwan Sen 
Stay strong! Gingerella needs her dad.
Hope everything will work out for you.
You are right Alicja, I need to be stronger for her sake at least.
Am Fine now.
Cheers
Nuwan
Ha!! That’s a very inspiring video. Love the song.
Trust me, I do try to live like I wanna, but Mother Lanka sure tries her bitchiest best to constantly screw with my life.
I’m very sorry to hear of your pain, Nuwansen.
Thanks Cindy. Am fine, nothing to worry.
Cheers
Nuwan
I hope you feel better soon mate.
Am fine buddy, appreciate your concern.
Very happy to hear you’re fine.
Cheers!
Nuwan
I can totally relate to your post, Nuwan! Thanks for sharing, and for sharing the image of that beautiful painting as well.
Sometimes I feel really depressed as well. I feel frustrated and angry at myself for letting my life turn out the way it did. Of course it could be a lot worse, but still. Mainly the depression comes from the anxiety of how it will be 10, 20 years from now or beyond, if I live that long, that is. I try to make myself feel better by planning for the future to achieve something in a few years. From abstract initial plans to actual points on paper. And doing little things to inch forward to that target on paper. I may not succeed (feeling my hopes are like how you put yours as “false hopes”) but as they say it’s not just about the destination, but the journey as well. So I try, if only because it makes my days better sometimes.
I’d like to suggest the same for you, Nuwan. If I remember correctly, you love Paris, it is your favourite city? Go for it! Plan like you’re really leaving for it. Give it a realistic target of 1, 2, 3 or 5 years or however many you think you need to make it happen, and approach this target from all angles and possible obstacles, e.g. language, expenses, what you can do there for work, accomodation possibilities, etc etc. Just plan for it. Sometimes, I still feel down because I think “it can’t possibly happen”, but I don’t care if it doesn’t, I still go on as if it’s still going to happen. I refer to my plans I’ve put on paper to remind myself to stick to them.
Best of luck and take care. Cheers.
Wow!! Good Memory. I do love Paris.
Thanks for the great advise pal. But it’s less to do with the future (true that worry exists too, but that’s normal stress – work, studies, life et al – all people go through that kind of stress). My stress is more to do with people here constantly trying to screw up my brain, with idiosyncrasies, with their narrow minded, brain washed, fake patriotism, false pride, and Hitler mentality (thinking they are the greatest country in the world). Racial hatred. Religious hatred. Hypocritical politeness to the face, and back stabbing pricks. Their blindly following traditions, customs of respect et al, but have no real respect for anything and anyone. You name it, they think they are superior race. And they have a problem I don’t think like them. And this is not just necessarily the illiterate, poor people. The so called well educated are just as bad. Mother Lanka is a bitch. And it pokes it’s nose and tries to fuck with me. I have a lot of patience. But sometimes it’s difficult to take it anymore. Even in Paris, I wasn’t that happy. But that has got nothing to do with Paris, or Parisians, but the hypocritical Shit Lankans living there, in secret, and making Paris sound hell. And worse driving me mad. I wondered if SL was so great, what they were doing hiding in Paris. They’d trouble me to no end. Call me and tell tales. I don’t want to pour my whole life experience with Lankans in SL, and rest of the world, now. But in Paris, I at least had Paris. Though I love to socialise, in SL, I prefer to keep to myself, for the sake of my sanity. But my worries about my future et al. That I can cope with. People have a problem with everything and anything. This country is in the dark ages. It always will be.
And back to living abroad. I’ve lived in 6 countries, and when I was living in Sydney, Australia, the first 5 months were terrible, thanks to Lankans there. Then I moved away from them, and by fluke, didn’t associate any SL, for the next 1½ years I lived there. My life improved dramatically. Oh stress was there, getting my assignments done, one racist flatmate, racism in general, heartbreak over unrequited love, what to do after my course ends, looking for a place to stay, et al. All the usual stuff. But besides all that, those the were the best days of my life. Along with the downs, there were ups too. More downs that ups, but ups existed. But now in SL, it’s just full of negativity. Am not a Lankan, just because my roots are. My mentality, my brain is not. I consider my self international, a citizen of the world, that goes beyond borders. I never belonged here (thank god I wasn’t born here), and I have had some great friendships around the globe. So I’m trying my best to live the best I can under the circumstances. To me, my friends are open minded, good hearted people. It doesn’t matter, what their faith, race, skin colour, or nationality happens to be. Good Friends are family to me. Blood has nothing to do with it. Thanks again man.
Wow that sounds heavy indeed. I’m sure I would go crazy too. You have my sympathies, my friend. I can relate somewhat, although of course I can’t fully appreciate the intricacies of what you are going through, since I’m not there to actually experience it. But from what you have told me, I think I would look into getting out to live somewhere else away from my own locals, to try get some peace of mind, just like you getting yours even though as a fluke during that 1.5 years in Sydney. If not moving away permanently then at least for a few years.
In the meantime, I’m glad you got it off your chest somewhat. Writing out our frustrations can be therapeutic. By the way, I hope you won’t get into trouble for being so frank about your feelings about some of the people there. I’m just a little concerned at the thought of some malicious nationalist troll targeting you for your honest thoughts. I’m overreacting, I know, but oh don’t mind me, I’m just being a Singaporean affectively brainwashed to be a little wary haha! Cheers
Thanks for being so concerned man. I’m always outright and frank (at the same time I can be diplomatic as well). And plenty of extremist nationalist in this country. If I get into trouble for being honest and truthful, can’t help it. These people can’t handle the truth. But I rarely associate people. And it’s only if they start off something, I voice my opinion pointing out their hypocrisy and lies. I try not to hurt peoples sentiments, but at the same time, have no sympathy for fraudulence, either. And quite a load of such people exist out here. Worse they find it difficult to accept am not like them.
And about leaving this place, I’d love to, for good, if possible. At the same time I have no desire to secretly live anywhere as an illegal immigrant either. I always went legally, for studies/work visa, and left once my visa expires, or sometimes long before. It’s lankans who have great love for lanka, that tend to go and hide in these countries, and then blaggard people in those places. Thanks to such people, it’s very hard for honest people like us to get a visa, even for a holiday. It’s such a hassle. Yet besides all that, those cunning SL-ians however manage to go and live in secret abroad. And they do the worse things possible, out there. The way they behave, lie & cheat, you name it.
I know this feeling all too well. I don’t know what else to add except you are not alone.
Thank you! You are really kind. I don’t wish anyone the pain I’m going through. I just wish to get away from it, myself, as well.
Well it would be unfair of me to say I can totally feel ur state, but i can relate to it….i don’t know what should this be termed as but it happens to me readily, though u opted for the best medium ‘writing’ hopefully this would help the cause a great deal….as i reckon it is kind of meditation in itself……hopefully u’ll come out of this soon.
ps: ‘Your Roots Can Enslave You’ is just mind blowing!
I know, I can relate to that painting. Especially that day, when I came across this painting, I was so down. And thanks to this artwork, it made me write this post. Otherwise I might have not written anything about myself, not that day, when I couldn’t concentrate on anything, and didn’t feel doing a write-up at all.
Thanks for the kind comments. Yes!! Writing sure helps!
😀 keep blogging
Shall do!! Thanks!