Oh my DOG!! What a year it’s been.  hasn’t been that kind to me! But no year in this country has ever really been nice to me; especially within the last 9 years that I’ve lived here at a stretch (mostly as a bit of a recluse, despite how much I love to socialize). Stress, depression, and fighting off withdrawal symptoms (being on and off and on again, on meds), fighting off suicidal instincts, dealing with troublesome Lankan trolls on FB (I deactivated it 5 months ago, and keep reactivating briefly and deactivating it), to real life Lankans – judgemental, extremist, narrow-minded, hypocritical n’ inhumane humans, full of false pride, fake sense of patriotism & brainwashed nationalistic attitudes (Argh! Those Lankan egos); has been really bad. I practically hit Rock Bottom! But am a survivor. All my life, I’ve suffered on my own, survived on my own, and still surviving!! Yet, no matter what I go through, I brave a smile, be polite, struggle through utmost patience. AND nobody (unless they’ve read my personal posts) would ever be aware of what am going through.

Yet, trying to be as positive as possible, I have to say, finishing Arundhati Roy’s The Ministry of Utmost Happiness, and seeing Luca Guadagnino’s Call Me by your Name (2017), earlier this year, and falling in love with them to the extent that, Arundhati Roy’s second novel ended up being my all time favourite Book now; and Call Me by your Name, my favourite movie from this century and my second all time favourite movie; to me is a major Plus, that happened this year (see my posts That Book, That Movie (of 2017), Why “CALL ME BY YOUR NAME” deserves to win ‘Best Picture’ at this years OSCARS!!!!!, Photograph no.5, My TOP – 5 Films & My (past) TOP 10). But really, the only plus with a pulse, are my two common mongrels, my darling fur babies, that give me a reason to live. Their love for me is unconditional. Just the sound of their footsteps, brings a smile on my face. Love them dearly!! My innocent babies!! ❤

Another great plus to me, was meeting an old friend after almost two decades. We met day before yesterday, an American citizen (with Lankan roots) she currently resides in Denmark with her husband and kids; and is here on holiday. We spoke about the Year ; the best year of my teenage life; the year we first met. She mentioned how handsome I looked then 😉 , nice complement! I knew a lot of girls mother’s and elderly grannies, liked me (I was always pretty decent), but wasn’t aware of any peers thinking of me as handsome. I always considered myself pretty average (yes, Sri Lanka has always had a complex about their complexion, despite being a black/brown country and I was constantly reminded of being dark myself), but considering the amount of vain, yet hideous (not just looks wise but personality wise too), people I come across who actually rate themselves 8 and 10; am like Seriously??; in that case I must’ve been 110, back in the day!!! Although to me, it’s a beautiful heart that truly matters, looks are secondary; when I look back, I was actually quite a looker, didn’t really realize it at the time. 😏 Now am sounding as vain as the selfie culture of today. Vanity, thy name is Smartphones (ah! I actually finally gave in and got a Smartphone, my first – an iPhone 8Plus, this July). Thanks Sudi (my friend I just spoke of), for making me nostalgic, and now am thinking of my youth and looks -_- !! So that day, Saturday Late Afternoon to early evening, I spent with her, was great. I felt light and happy. Soon after, met an old schoolmate briefly that night, and she asked me whether I was high on sugar? Yup, guess it’s been ages since I actually looked happy too. Though I think of the past with nostalgia, I don’t live in the past, I live in the present and have no desire to go back. I want to move forwards, and keep hoping against home, that the BEST is Yet to Come!!! Looking forward for Better Future!!

I haven’t celebrated New Years eve, in ages. The last time I did something was, on 31st December 2006, when we went to see the fireworks over Sydney Harbour Bridge, whilst residing there. Post that, I’ve been home, mostly watching TV. End of last year, I got sick, so this year started off with me being ill. Down with the flu, added to stress and depression am constantly fighting off. This year has been, pretty sick (and not in a good way). Had no plans for today as well, so it was a pleasant surprise, when someone I recently befriended, messaged me this morning, invited me over to usher in the New Year. So looking forward to another, PLUS, this evening, and better year ahead!!

Always thinking as Positively as possible

Happy New Year, for 2019

Nuwan Sen

🎊👐 2😍19!!!!!! 💓